The First

Hello world!
This is my second blog, a church-like split from my first. I started my first blog in April on the "3 Fat Chicks on a Diet" website. More and more, I was talking less and less about my goals and plans to lose weight, and more and more about my daily activities. I'm still using my 3FC blog for dieting, but decided that the rest of my words needed to find a more appropriate place to reside. So here I am.
This blog probably won't contain anything earth-shattering. I'm not a wise sage with answers to offer the world. There was a wonderful quote on a film I watched this week: "Life isn't about finding the answers. It's about learning to live with the questions." Perfect. :)
I'm a graduate student in Maryland, working towards a Master's in Thanatology. Meaning, I would like to do grief work. I thought I would be going to work back in Iowa in August of this year, but that won't be happening like I thought (more on that below). I'm currently living in Washington, DC with my best friend. At the end of next month, we will be parting ways. He's going to stay in DC, and I'm going to move to Frederick, to save time and money traveling to class.
I have a fantastic plan to better myself, lose weight, better manage my money, and grow as a spiritual person, but I have terrible follow-through. This blog will probably often catalog my foibles along the way. With a little bit of luck, it will bring a smile to your face and a laugh to your belly!
I've made a commitment to myself to be 100% myself at all times. If I am down, to be down. If I am excited and happy, to be excited and happy! (Luckily, this is my 'default' state of mind!) I want to inspire genuineness in myself and those around me. To be vulnerable, to be invincible, to be joyful, to be scared. I wish to live my life full-tilt! Let's go!

This has been a rough week. I didn't get the job I wanted; my dream job. My consolation is that my skills didn't put me out of the running, but that the strategic planning committee put on a hiring freeze for who knows how long. I thought that this job was God giving me clear direction of where to take my life, everything nicely bundled. Instead, I'll be out here, finishing my Master's degree. I'm actully quite excited for that! I'll be the first person on both sides of my family to earn a Master's degree. So that's good! The next step is to find someone who is willing to rent to a graduate student with no employment or income other than student loans. Even that, I think I could get around, but student loans won't be released until the end of August/September, and my lease is up in July. How will I live for the month of August?

The other stressor this week is my little sister. For the most part, I am very content with my life. I love what I do, and the people I surround myself with are people whom I respect and admire. If I were to die tomorrow, I realized my one regret would be my relationship with my little sister. We get along fine, but communicate very poorly. As in, I call/text her often, but she very rarely responds. Unfotunetly, the less she responds, the less I try to commuicate with her. Well, she finally texted me back this week to tell me that she is planning to get divorced if her husband refuses to go to counseling. They do need counseling, no question. I think she communicates with her husband even less than with me, and he isn't any better. The main issue, as I see it, is that they are both very bull-headed, and believe all the fault lies with the other person. I think they will be going to counseling with the impression that the counselor will back thier own side up, and will be very angry/disappointed when they are both found to be at fault. I don't think they will stick with it when they realize that counseling doesn't immediately fix everything in thier relationship like a magic pill. The worst part is that they have a 5 year old daughter. What will happen to her? Who will take care of her when they get divorced? I love them both, but neither is seperately a good parent. Together they barely made it through. My heart aches for this situation, but especially for my niece.

Bills are coming due again. School is my biggest concern, I have to find a way to pay for my final summer classes, which I thought I had already paid for. Luckily, I was able to pay off all but one credit card this month (:D), so now I have only one personal bill to watch for. I initially pay all of the utilities for my housemates. I like this because I know that everything is being paid on time (not the case when they were in charge of the bills), but it is frustrating, because it takes so long for them to pay me back thier share. One roommate hasn't paid me for May's bills, and I've already starting paying for June. This is especially frustrating because she is dating a guy who pays for everything they do, so she doesn't have any expenses. She also has a steady, full-time job, while I am stuggling everyday as an unemployed student. As an undergrad, I worked full-time and went to school full-time, with very little difficulty. However, as a grad student, this simply isn't possible. I could probably do part-time if I lived in Frederick, but as it is, I'm in DC, spending 80 hours a month traveling to class! There's my job right there! lol It is what it is. I just wish she would cough up her share of the utilities so I could buy groceries and pay down my one personal bill.

I've been actively trying since April to lose weight. As of today, I am back to square one. I can't even lose the 10 pounds I've set out to. I get to about 8 pounds, and the scale goes right back up. This month has been terrible--I haven't tried to monitor what I eat or exercise at all. I've let it completely fall by the wayside. TODAY that changes!! My body deserves cute clothes, and I deserve to not fear if I will fit into amusment park rides, airplanes, and open seats on the Metro! I have 46 weeks until I graduate next May. If I work really hard, watch what I eat, and exercise, I will lose 92 pounds by then, and be only 33 ponds away from my goal of 115 pounds. I WILL ACOMPLISH THIS!!!

There is so much I have going for me in life. I have incredible parents, a loving family, and wonderful friends. I am going to school for something I love, I attend church with dedicated people I care for, and I am improving my relationship with God. I live in the heart of history, and I have access to embarassing amounts of informaion, thanks to the internet. If I died today, I would die knowing that the people I love know I love them, and having done what I can to accomplish my dreams. Can you say the same? If not, what do you need to do to reach this point?

Today, I hope you accomplish everything you dream! I have decided I will!